I must be too annoying 4 u.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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