My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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