Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
