whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize