you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
