My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
