This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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