I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I sprained my soul last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
