She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
