Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize