This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
