kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
