Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i came on her dog
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
