I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
