i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
