I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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