Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Alive.
So much puke
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
