I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
