Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
