I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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