are you still at the devil's house?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
