So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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