we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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