I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
