I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
