I am in a vortex of obligation.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
