Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
