I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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