I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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