omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm bleeding and have questions
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
