so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize