Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
