he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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