Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
