I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
