i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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