I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
