well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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