He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
