All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
