just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
