im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
