Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
