Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
