So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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