dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
