I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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