Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
