I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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