I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
