I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize