Whatcha textin bout Willis?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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