Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm like, not good at living.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
