So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
