problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
