I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize