First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He kissed a someone with a penis
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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