This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
