Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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