TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
