so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
