im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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