rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
