you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize