Your face is a jimmy john
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
