he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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