It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
