don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
