Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ladies don't puke and tell
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
