I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
