we're chasing vodka with high fives
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
