Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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