Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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