when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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