He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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