I wish life had little blips of pornography
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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